26 Ramadan 2017: A Source of Despair from Within (1 of 2)

It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. ― Roy Disney

It is easier to naturally fall back onto an external reason as to why we despair, and we often forget that sometimes it is from within.

Besides generally engaging in negative internal dialogue leading to despair, there are two other internal sources of despair, one of which is not sticking to your values when making decisions or when faced with various questions and challenges in life.

Why does it lead to despair?

Because not sticking to your values means that you are making a decision you don’t want to make, and that leads to despair as you live out a decision you did not want.

However, while we aim to stay strong and stick to our values, the reality is that we may slip sometimes, so how can we avoid despair?

By remembering that even our wrong decisions happen for a reason and besides working hard to reverse such decisions or related consequences, what we experience is in our destiny and will eventually make us better people.

We learn, and we move on.

Sometimes it takes a wrong turn to get you to the right place.― Mandy Hale

 

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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25 Ramadan 2017: Patience

Patience is not the ability to wait but how you act while you’re waiting – Joyce Meyer

We can’t cover despair without covering patience.

You see, loss of hope means that whenever we face difficulty we get upset and often can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Even when we are able to convince ourselves that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, we often want it to be closer to us, but that is something we may or may not be able to control, and that is where patience comes in.

Patience, often mistaken as a noun, is actually a verb. In other words, it pertains to an action taken and not just a mere description.

As an action, patience is about complementing the positivity that comes with seeing a light at the end of the tunnel with an internal dialogue that keeps talking of hope and controlling the outer tongue from complaining about the difficulty one is facing.

Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that we don’t speak about our difficulties with others we trust or are more knowledgeable than we are in order to learn more about what we can do to hasten the time of difficulty, I am talking about insistent complaining that neither produces action nor produces hope.

I ask god on this blessed day and night to give us the strength to be patient in bad times as we await relief and in good times as we may not recognize the goodness that befalls us.

Speaking of this blessed day and night, I remind myself first and others that these are the last five or four nights of this blessed month where good deeds are multiplied and goals are set for the next year … let us all make them count!

Let each of us, fasting or not, be the positive news in the world!

 

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23 Ramadan 2017: Just when we thought

There used to be days that I thought I was okay, or at least that I was going to be. We’d be hanging out somewhere and everything would just fit right and I would think ‘it will be okay if it can just be like this forever’ but of course nothing can ever stay just how it is forever. – Nina LaCour

Can you relate to today’s quote? I certainly can.

Just when we think we can handle something challenging, something happens that blatantly shouts NOOOOOOOO.

As nothin in our lives are coincidental, I also happen to come across a talk about sadness blending it component so faith as well … and these are the tips that I thought I would share in this post for your benefit.

  1. Know that sadness will happen and even when good things happen, tough challenges will come up for this is life … life is a series of ups and downs … a series of thankfulness and patience … a series of joy and sadness … don’t be surprised
  2. Accept sadness, don’t fight it and just admit to yourself that you are sad and that is a right you have and let it be.
  3. Don’t befriend sadness even it is part of life. Move towards what is opposite to sadness … positive friends, positive environments, positive clothing, positive actions trying to get out of the “sad” situation
  4. Wait until the end … don’t assume the story has ended there especially when you have been unfairly treated or wronged as the root of your sadness. What goes around comes around even if we are not able to see it.

Life is full of sad moments … no one has been spared of sad moments, the key is to not befriend it, not complain about it, not to let it get into your heart.

Love life, live right and do good … and even if you think you are OK and sadness comes around again, it is OK … it is for a good reason.

You will be fine … I promise because god has promised we will be OK if our hearts are in a state of goodness.

 

 

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14 Ramadan 2017: Why we struggle sometimes

If there is no struggle, there is no progress. – Frederick Douglass

Despite what we may see in life, be it in person or in social media, everyone struggles … everyone.

Looking back at all my previous and current struggles, I find this to be true … our struggles are stimulated by either something in the future that we need to be prepared for both in knowledge and resilience or something we need to learn about ourselves in order to lead happier lives.

Struggling with a business sale, struggles in relationships, struggling at work, struggles in health, struggling in school, they all uncover traits within ourselves that we need to work on or prepare us for what is to come in the future.

The key is to treat these struggles as such, means to self-improvement and happiness and not let them set in our hearts in the form of despair.

 

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13 Ramadan 2017: Despair, Criticism and Failure

Do not let arrogance go to your head and despair to your heart; do not let compliments go to your head and criticisms to your heart; do not let success go to your head and failure to your heart.― Roy T. Bennett

What I liked about this quote is how it ultimately presents three key facts when it comes to despair.

The first is that despair is set in the heart. This explains why it is more challenging to let go of the negative feelings that come with despair for if it was rationality, we could logically limit its’ effects on our lives.

The second is that criticisms often negatively affect our hearts leading to despair even if they are neither justified nor warranting feelings of despair in our lives.

The third is that we sometimes take failure so seriously, it affects the state of our hearts in feelings of loss, and despair sets in.

So while criticism and failure does give us feelings of sadness and disappointment, maybe engaging our rationality is a way through to prevent these feelings from taking over our hearts and setting us in on a path of despair.

 

 

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11 Ramadan 2017: Just one more step

Before success comes in any man’s life, he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat, and, perhaps, some failure. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do. More than five hundred of the most successful men this country has ever known told the author their greatest success came just one step beyond the point at which defeat had overtaken them. ― Napoleon Hill

Feelings of despair tend to initially come when we struggle or fail to achieve our goals and dreams. This then escalates to other areas of our life, from family, to friends, to materials we own and to our own inner spirit.

So, what if we stopped “despair” in its tracks before it escalates?

Part of it maybe is managing our own expectations and adjusting our state of mind on what failure actually means. The other part may be pushing ourselves just a bit more beyond the initial signs of failure, which is not easily done and takes a good support system to help one do that.

In essence, can we stop despair in its tracks before it materialises? I think we can.

 

 

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9 Ramadan 2017: We are all special

Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world…if you do so, you are insulting yourself. ― Bill Gates

One of the causes of desperation is a worry about not measuring up, or not being as good as a person or another, or feeling “un”special because of a lack of attention online or offline and basically feeling inferior to others.

Inferiority is the antagonist of being the best we can be.

The key is to recognize that we actually don’t need to measure up to anyone other than ourselves. We should not seek to be as good as or better than anyone and we definitely should not seek our worth from other people’s attention, online or offline.

Earl Nightingale is one of my favorite inspirational speaker and thinker. So in today’s post, I wanted to share with you what he said about inferiority from his audio about self esteem.

People have an inferiority complex because they compare themselves to others.

Everyone is inferior in some areas and superiour in others. So a well adjusted person does not get bothered if someone is better than them in something. Inferiority and superioirity are reverse sides of the same coin. The coin itself is spurious.

You are neither … you are simply you. You as a personality are not in competition with any other personality because no one is like you. You are unique and no other person is supposed to be like you. God did not create one person and said this is it, he made each person unique.

We are all different and nothing is by accident.

Your job is to know yourself and like yourself.

You will accept the things you cannot do and appreciate the things you can do and accept yourself as one of a kind.

(Earl Nightingale)

During this blessed month, I ask god to give us a true perspective of ourselves and the ability to see the good in ourselves and be 100% original!

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

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8 Ramadan 2017: Help Others

The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served. ― Gordon B. Hinckley

Get up and do something … and besides taking care of yourself and your loved ones … reach out and check on others … someone might need something … and if they do, help them or find the right person to help them.

This is the magic formula to not despair.

Help does not necessarily mean giving up a significant amount of time and money … it is “volunteering” information … a connection … a good word … hope.

If you can’t find someone who needs help, think of an area of knowledge, ability or leadership you have, and share it with the world either in writing or in action starting with your family and loved ones.

Do it swiftly, do it without seeking a return, it will change your life.

 

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

7 Ramadan 2017: Ask for Help

The only mistake you can make is not asking for help – Sandeep Juahar

In an earlier post, I spoke about talking your worries through with a friend. In this post, I am bringing focus to asking for help because the reality is that we are here to help each other.

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know. – W. H. Auden

The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.  – Albert Schweitzer

Despair sometimes comes in the form of excessive stress be it due to work, home or personal commitments. The reality is that this excessive stress can be resolved with three words “I need help”.

Of course, asking for help is a big step but no doubt, admitting that you need help is the key to getting out of despair because you realize you are not meant to, and more importantly, not able to, do this alone.

While there are many reasons, often what stops us from asking from help is because we think people have certain expectations of us and we either don’t want to let them down like in the case of parents or more often, we don’t want to uncover our weaknesses.

Be true to yourself … and give yourself the opportunity to live a life despair free and ask for help!

 

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27 Ramadan 2016: STOP IT!!!!

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. – Brian Tracy

I am tired of it … both if I do it and if others do.

We have limited time on earth, how can we waste valuable time that some don’t have on empty complaints !

Yes! Empty complaints, no matter how sad they may be, as complaining is a mask for nothing but lack of decision making or movement even if it is a decision to do nothing.

Enough is enough! 

Following from the last post, we are not helpless! It is time to take action.

Get angry, be upset, feel sad, but understand that you have more choices than you think and let us ask ourselves … what is the lesson here? Is it something I did? Something I didn’t do? What would I do next time … and move on.

May we be grateful … may we be grateful … may we be grateful.

Use what god as given you in gratefulness … in doing good … in making the world a better place!

 

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